SKETCH: Cameron’s Last PMQs?

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Outside, a 35-strong fleet of Brexit-backing fishing boats sailed past with Nigel Farage at the helm. The only parallel that springs to mind is the Raid on the Medway during the Second Anglo-Dutch War of 1667 (also in June). Then, Dutch vessels launched a daring campaign that would pave the first steps for the overthrow of King James II. A year later the Bill of Rights was enshrined ensuring the sovereignty of Parliament and an end to its subjugation by overbearing despots, intent on imposing laws on a servile populace. Well, if it worked for them…

Inside, Jeremy Corbyn started poorly and somehow managed to get even worse. The Labour leader wasted his six questions, opting for a scattergun approach that included the posting of workers directive (yes, again, and no, we still don’t care), phone-hacking (for those nostalgic for 2011), having a dig at Boris and Gove (obviously something that would appeal to the PM) and fishing quotas (the sort of subject that really gets your wavering voter going). Corbyn finally managed to get on to the EU referendum in his sixth and final question. “With just eight days to go before the referendum”, he began to uproarious cheers from the Tory benches, “the Labour position is that we are going to be voting to Remain because we believe it is the best way to protect families, protect jobs and protect public services”. Not exactly “I have a dream…” but at least he set out the “Labour position” (although some will have noticed he declined to elaborate on his own position).

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Corbyn Will Block Osborne’s Dead Cat Budget

“We would oppose any post-Brexit austerity budget, just as we have opposed any austerity budget proposed by this government.” It ain’t gonna happen…

Who is Asking the Questions Today?

Q1 Peter Aldous (Waveney)

Q2 Mr George Howarth (Knowsley)

Q3 Amanda Solloway (Derby North)

Q4 Mike Freer (Finchley and Golders Green)

Q5 Mr Alan Mak (Havant)

Q6 Roger Mullin (Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath)

Q7 Carolyn Harris (Swansea East)

Q8 Mr David Nuttall (Bury North)

Q9 Kelly Tolhurst (Rochester and Strood)

Q10 Robert Jenrick (Newark)

Q11 Huw Merriman (Bexhill and Battle)

Q12 Ruth Smeeth (Stoke-on-Trent North)

Q13 Jack Lopresti (Filton and Bradley Stoke)

Q14 Nigel Adams (Selby and Ainsty)

Comments in the comments please…

PMQs Bout: Not the Greatest, Not a Thriller

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It’s all gone a bit Pete Tong for the PM. It turns out lining up every global leader, trade envoy and financier from Canary Wharf to Chongqing to warn the serfs to vote Remain on threat of nuclear apocalypse wasn’t actually the best idea. Who’d have thought it? People voting in a referendum on global elites don’t want to listen to those same global elites telling them which way to vote. How very bizarre!

Luckily for the Leave camp, master political strategist David Cameron is so comprehensively divorced from any semblance of normality that he doesn’t realise this, and will continue treating the British people like benighted little peasants who need to sit down and listen to what the clever dignitaries and technocrats tell them. In fact, unwittingly, the red-faced ex-Buller boy is one of the Leave campaign’s single biggest assets.

And so onto proceedings. As is apparently the fashion these days, the Leader of the Opposition kicked things off by offering his solemn condolences to the fallen celebrities of the past week. Today that honour was bestowed upon Muhammad Ali, eulogised by Corbyn as “the greatest in his chosen field” (that “chosen field” being battering another man’s skull in until he loses consciousness). Those initially shocked at the Labour leader’s seeming admiration for Ali’s proficiency in bloodsports will have been reassured when he went on to praise his “courageous campaigning on civil rights, anti-racism and peace”. Mr. Corbyn noticeably skipped over the fact that Ali was a firm believer that a woman’s place was at home and avowedly against interracial relationships (for which he deemed death to be a suitable punishment). On top of that he wasn’t too keen on the Jews, although I’m not sure that would bother Jeremy all that much. Continue reading

PM Laughs Off Leadership Challenge

The PM batted off a question from the SNP’s Stephen Gethins at PMQs: “The time to reflect on your mistakes is clearly when you’re close to the end of your time in office, so that doesn’t apply.” The third time Cameron’s leadership post-Brexit has been called into question over the last week. Chants of “four more years” from Tory loyalists rung out…

Who is Asking the Questions Today?

Q1 Mims Davies (Eastleigh)

Q2 Richard Drax (South Dorset)

Q3 Ann Clwyd (Cynon Valley)

Q4 Alan Brown (Kilmarnock and Loudoun)

Q5 Mark Spencer (Sherwood)

Q6 Helen Goodman (Bishop Auckland)

Q7 Steven Paterson (Stirling)

Q8 Matthew Pennycook (Greenwich and Woolwich)

Q9 Dr Rupa Huq (Ealing Central and Acton)

Q10 Karl McCartney (Lincoln)

Q11 Craig Mackinlay (South Thanet)

Q12 Alex Cunningham (Stockton North)

Q13 Stephen Kinnock (Aberavon)

Q14 Neil Carmichael (Stroud)

Q15 Stephen Gethins (North East Fife)

Comments in the comments please…

Ozbot versus Androgenoid

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David Cameron couldn’t make PMQs today having had a busy week buying a new motor for his missus. The vehicle in question was a clapped out 2004 Nissan Micra with 90,000 miles on the clock – in Tory blue of course – for which he shelled out the princely sum of £1,500 (two seconds on AutoTrader would have revealed similar mileage models regularly go for half that price).

Unfortunately for Dave his millionaire spouse was not impressed with her millionaire husband buying her a beat up old Nissan to potter around Chipping Norton in. In a rage she summarily banished him to the dog house, and so the PM fled to Japan to put as much distance between him and the old dear as possible under the pretence of attending vital G7 meetings. To be honest I can’t understand what she’s so upset about, sure the Nissan’s interior is nothing special, but it’s certainly not the most useless and overvalued old banger SamCam’s had to sit on.

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Who is Asking the Questions Today?

Q1 Maria Caulfield (Lewes)

Q2 Stephen Pound (Ealing North)

Q3 Tom Blenkinsop (Middlesbrough South and East Cleveland)

Q4 Cat Smith (Lancaster and Fleetwood)

Q5 Richard Drax (South Dorset)

Q6 Philip Davies (Shipley)

Q7 Patrick Grady (Glasgow North)

Q8 Julie Elliott (Sunderland Central)

Q9 Judith Cummins (Bradford South)

Q10 Ruth Cadbury (Brentford and Isleworth)

Q11 Nusrat Ghani (Wealden)

Q12 Andrew Griffiths (Burton)

Q13 Barbara Keeley (Worsley and Eccles South)

Q14 Dr Alan Whitehead (Southampton, Test)

Q15 Jason McCartney (Colne Valley)

Comments in the comments please…

Gove Turns His Back on Monarchy

Gove, a massive Game of Thrones fan, turns his back on the monarch on her throne. Royal etiquette dictates one must never turn their back on the reigning monarch. Still annoyed about that Brexit denial?

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Emily Thornberry’s White Van Man Style Outburst

Gum chewing Emily Thornberry using unparliamentary language…

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A Nigerian, an Afghan and Englishman Walk into an Anti-Corruption Summit

David Cameron had good cause to enter the Chamber even more rosy cheeked than usual today. Yesterday video was leaked of him chin-wagging with the Queen at a Buckingham Palace Reception. “We’ve got some leaders of some fantastically corrupt countries coming to Britain”, he said ironically, going on to highlight “Nigeria and Afghanistan, possibly the […]

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Tim Farron Met With Wall of Groans

The name “Tim Farron” is met with a wall of groans from the Tory benches. Cameron swatted him away with minimal effort…

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Quote of the Day

Sadiq Khan does stand up…

“I’m the son of a bus driver. I used to love that line… then Sajid fucking Javid came along. You wait for years for the son of a Muslim bus driver to turn up and two come along at once.”

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